Conversation With a Friend
The following is a portion of my response to a kind email from a good friend of mine, in regard to the relationship between intellectual rigor and faith. As always, I hope God's grace is somehow imparted to you as you share in my story...
When it comes to your perception that I've "gone academic" on you, I want you to know the weak place from which that comes. I've sought truth 'relationally' and in mystery, and I've been found wanting. Since I've been reading through the Bible in a year, I've been enfuriated by some of the things I've read, to the point that if I can't figure out a way to make sense of them--to SOME extent--i.e. figure out "a place to put them", then I find myself hating God. Contradiction (not to be confused with paradox) goes against the fundamental essence of human cognizance. It drives one literally to insanity. At least it will drive me to insanity.
If faith in God means turning a blind eye to contradictions and retreating to my little world of simplistic certainties, then I don't want any part of it... I frankly don't have it. But faith, to me, means knowing that when I perceive something as horrendously contrary to God's nature, either it can't be true, or it is complementary and I am obligated to discover how. If pursuing answers, or, as our good friend Brett would call it, "reaching", is arrogant or misguided, then (a) it's going to take a hell of an effort to persuade me so, and (b) if I was persuaded, it would be the end of me.
When I am faced with seeming contradictions in scripture, I have to come to grips with one of three options: (1) I'm just not
knowledgeable enough (YET) to understand it... i.e. I haven't done my part to work at knowing the Word and heart of God, (2) God is unspeakably cruel for intentionally trying to confuse us, commanding that we obey his commands that we can't make sense of, and then punishing us with eternal damnation if we don't, or (3) the Bible isn't, in fact, his word, and he hasn't given us a written word at all, and therefore there it is impossible to know anything with any certainty whatsoever about him; and thus I would be reserved to pure existentialism.
Right now, my faith rests in option #1. Three years ago, I went through a period of wrestling with options 2 and 3, and it brought me face to face with the prospect of suicide. I'm not hypothesizing when I say that if option #1 is not true, it's over for me, flat out over. Nothing in this world--not my wife and daughter, not my parents, not you, not ministry, not money or
fame or influence or pleasure of any kind--is worth living for, compared to knowing the one, true, sovereign God of the universe, who has been revealed in Jesus Christ. As Tim Hughes quoted the title of a James Bond film in a song on his recent album, "The world is not enough for me." And I would say that if someone could not make the wager I just proposed, he
needs to check his faith.
If Satan took YOU to the top of the temple and offered you the world in exchange for Jesus Christ, would you have to think about it?
When it comes to your perception that I've "gone academic" on you, I want you to know the weak place from which that comes. I've sought truth 'relationally' and in mystery, and I've been found wanting. Since I've been reading through the Bible in a year, I've been enfuriated by some of the things I've read, to the point that if I can't figure out a way to make sense of them--to SOME extent--i.e. figure out "a place to put them", then I find myself hating God. Contradiction (not to be confused with paradox) goes against the fundamental essence of human cognizance. It drives one literally to insanity. At least it will drive me to insanity.
If faith in God means turning a blind eye to contradictions and retreating to my little world of simplistic certainties, then I don't want any part of it... I frankly don't have it. But faith, to me, means knowing that when I perceive something as horrendously contrary to God's nature, either it can't be true, or it is complementary and I am obligated to discover how. If pursuing answers, or, as our good friend Brett would call it, "reaching", is arrogant or misguided, then (a) it's going to take a hell of an effort to persuade me so, and (b) if I was persuaded, it would be the end of me.
When I am faced with seeming contradictions in scripture, I have to come to grips with one of three options: (1) I'm just not
knowledgeable enough (YET) to understand it... i.e. I haven't done my part to work at knowing the Word and heart of God, (2) God is unspeakably cruel for intentionally trying to confuse us, commanding that we obey his commands that we can't make sense of, and then punishing us with eternal damnation if we don't, or (3) the Bible isn't, in fact, his word, and he hasn't given us a written word at all, and therefore there it is impossible to know anything with any certainty whatsoever about him; and thus I would be reserved to pure existentialism.
Right now, my faith rests in option #1. Three years ago, I went through a period of wrestling with options 2 and 3, and it brought me face to face with the prospect of suicide. I'm not hypothesizing when I say that if option #1 is not true, it's over for me, flat out over. Nothing in this world--not my wife and daughter, not my parents, not you, not ministry, not money or
fame or influence or pleasure of any kind--is worth living for, compared to knowing the one, true, sovereign God of the universe, who has been revealed in Jesus Christ. As Tim Hughes quoted the title of a James Bond film in a song on his recent album, "The world is not enough for me." And I would say that if someone could not make the wager I just proposed, he
needs to check his faith.
If Satan took YOU to the top of the temple and offered you the world in exchange for Jesus Christ, would you have to think about it?
Crap, I just read this after responding to your post on Ryan's Blog.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is limited to 1,2 or 3. I have a 4th option, you know what is coming, but there are certainly more than 1 through 4.
I think a 4th option should be, that we just simply can't understand God. What we deem as contradiction is contradiction within our puny minds. All the more reason we need him. You've certainly heard it before to the point where it has become cliche. I don't think you will find the answers to perceived inconsistencies. I, don't think any of us are capable of being God. I agree you should pursue knowledge of God but his complete understanding is beyond you. I don't think option 2 will ever be accurate. Maybe he is unspeakably humbling. I just think all 3 options fall far short. None of them are any good. Nor is mine.
You will never have all the answers, but the ones you have are good enough to continue forward with hope and joy.
It hurts me to hear of your struggle, probably because I relate far too much. As sappy as it might sound, I love you very much. I don't know you as much as I want to, but I love you very much.
Your Brother
Hey brother. Thank you so much for your empathy. Prayer would be even better. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIn actuality, I'm not in the midst of an epistemological crisis at present. I believe "option #1" assuredly, and what I am learning these days is bolstering my faith, not undermining it. I simply shared this as a sort of apologetic for academic rigor as opposed to mere mysticism. My crises have resulted in part from people who gave me Sunday school answers to seminary questions, and who belittled me for asking them in the first place (because of their own insecurity in being unable to give me a legit answer).
Just to clarify, I really am thankful for your encouragement, for sharing in my story and allowing me to share in yours. I love you back. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYep, I wish some Sunday school teachers would have just answered, "I don't know". It would have helped me a lot more in the long run. This deconstruction crap really sucked.
ReplyDeleteI don't degrade Christianity to mysticism, it certainly has logical, understandable concepts and truth. It certainly is, on some level, knowable. It is also, I hate the word, mystical. A virgin birth is mystical. The blind being healed is mystical. It makes no scientific, logical sense. Christianity although understandable, in so many ways is beyond belief. It really isn't beyond the power of simplistic faith. I wish I had more of that, it would save me a lot of sleeplessness.
I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. You still never answered if my belief on the Bible is accurate (I think it is a logical possibility but I am certainly fallible), would that make you wish you were dead?
Dude, sorry about that... I think your "option 4" is my "option 1" minus the YET. If what you mean is that humans absolutely cannot know absolutely everything about God, then I can say with absolute certainty that you're absolutely correct. And this does not pose a problem for me whatsover. There's plenty of room in my epistemology for the supernatural (how's that for a better synonym for mystical?). God is supernatural... He transcends our nature and our natural capacity to comprehend. That's inherent in His nature as God... without it, He wouldn't be God. So I'm certainly not arguing that every question has a knowable answer. I can see how someone could have taken my "3 options" that way. My argument is that everything we know about God must be able to be "categorized", for lack of a better word. Many perplexities will fall under the category "transcendent" or "supernatural", and that's OK.
ReplyDeleteSo you have something like the Trinity... it is "other" than our minds can comprehend. And this is plainly taught in Scripture. So I accept it, exult in it, and worship God because of it. Then you have something like polygamy or slavery--moral issues that we see both apparently condemned and supported by God in Scripture. Here we have a contradiction that must be reconciled, because at face value it is Scripture against Scripture. And neither are these "pie in the sky" issues... they have immense, immediate, practical implications. Thus, in order to act faithfully with regard to them, we have to know the truth that forms our response.
So in a sense, the 4th option you presented was true. We can't know all there is about God. However, when it comes to reconciling perceived contradictions between one part of Scripture and another, we are obligated to dig deeper into study and prayer and conversation in order to correct our own flawed thinking. Approaching God's word from the perspective that it is we who are fallible and who need correction is, I believe, the way to wrestle through this issue in humility.
Thanks for the dialogue, brother. How sweet it is when brothers dwell together in unity. How sweet it is.
I'm sorry, I wasn't clear and I actually was the one confused. My question, that I asked to be answered, was actually posed on Ryan's blog and in reference to my blog "I am a Heretic".
ReplyDeleteBy the way, though, I agree whole heartedly. I certainly think a scholarly pursuit of the things you have listed above are knowable in some degree and the unknowables, such as the Trinity, are humbling and something we can rejoice over too.
It takes simplistic faith, humility to have peace concerning things such as the Trinity but it takes dedication and exploration to answer questions on seemingly inconsistencies such as polygamy, slavery, etc.
I'm looking forward to those blogs and your discoveries. You are a wonderful source.
Hey bud,
ReplyDeleteI thought I had read your "heretic" blog, but I guess I hadn't. Just did. And you've raised many of the same questions I've posed in recent years, even months. As much as (if not more than) my own questions, people just like you are the reason I'm going to seminary. I'm not in it for the degree or the high paying pastor job (psheesh) or the power or to feel like I'm earning a special place in heaven. I'm doing it because I earnestly and vigorously love the people who wrestle with the deep questions of faith--probably because I empathize with them so much. I'm in seminary because of love.
I think Ryan's feedback on your blog was very discerning. I am hesitant about his statement that the Bible is merely a "record of God's Word", but so long as he qualifies that it is a 100% accurate and true record, I think that's a wise way of looking at it. Most often when I've heard people say that the Bible merely "contains the word of God", they've been arguing that only some of it is an accurate record (without having any idea which parts are and are not).
The main thing I could think to contribute to the discussion is that I believe by faith that it is God's infallible word to us, for our benefit. I realize this is almost ridiculously simple, but that is what we are doing when we put our trust in Jesus Christ. We are doing nothing more and nothing less than trusting that the Gospel that has been handed down to us through the ages is absolutely, unequivocally, completely true. Believing in Jesus literally means believing that what someone told you about Jesus (or what you read about Him) is trustworthy and true! You and I believe this by faith, my friend! Not only are the written words of the Bible God's word, but so are the spoken words of the Bible by those who testify to its truth! God's word is true not because we say it is or because we can prove that it is, but because it is. The only way it is even possible to recognize that it is true is by the impartation of God's very Spirit into our being. God's Spirit testifies that what is contained in the Bible is true.
What is up to you, then, is to find out whether His Spirit is truly testifying to you that the Bible is truly His word. Just because you vigorously question it doesn't mean that you don't know its true. It just means you're suffering cognitive dissonance because of conflicting stimuli.
Here's something else to bank on: If you are saved (this is awesome, bro... here it comes..), then this period of epistemological crisis will pass!!! Glory to God, it will! I am living proof! Keep searching. Keep asking. Keep weeping, and even raging if you have to. Wrestle with God! Grab ahold of his leg and don't let him go until he blesses you. Be prepared to limp the rest of your life. But take heart that, as the apostle Paul exclaimed, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me... For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:9-10)!
"Though sorrow may last for the night, JOY comes in the morning!"
I'm going to send you a CD that was a channel of God's grace to me during the darkest night of my soul--When Silence Falls by Tim Hughes. Another song that helped me tremendously was "The silence of God" by Andrew Peterson, from his Love and Thunder album.
I prayed for you tonight. You are dearly loved, my brother.
I really look forward to receiving that. You are also in my prayers. I hope I didn't give you any indication that I am not "saved". :)
ReplyDeleteI hope I didn't give you any indication that I thought you weren't. ;-)
ReplyDeleteEmail me your address so I can make sure that CD gets to the right place. :-D
nice conversation... i actully opened up a blog sometime back. My original attempt seems to be what you are trying to accomplish here... just seriously asking and answering hard questions about faith... the kind of questions that others either ignore, hide behind 'faith' with, or loose faith over... somehow i have been off track with my blog, but now after skining through your blog, i think i may jump back into it!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cognizant-psychomachy.blogspot.com/
Glad I could be of some encouragement to you. Blog on!
ReplyDelete