Drought
Dear friends,
I need prayer for spiritual vigor. It's a long story, but this last semester drained me in every possible way. Systematic theology has disillusioned me. I feel like I don't know God. There are so many 'Gods', each of them very different—some of them polar opposites—and I'm having difficulty figuring out which one is the real one. It doesn't help that one of them very popular since the 15th century (less popular today, contra the published opinion of my friend Collin) I abhor.
All the questions I've had concerning the viability of the Christian faith are coming back at me full speed, and seminary has mostly kindled the flames of ambiguity, despite the fervent evangelicalism of my school.
It's likely that a prime culprit of my disillusionment has been my starvation of the child inside of me who is (was?) foolishly in love with God. I have not learned how to balance academic rigor and spiritual sustenance, let alone all the other duties and privileges of life. I need God's wisdom and strength to best use these next couple of weeks before classes start back up to get my heart back on track. Your prayers, encouragement, and input will be greatly appreciated.
Grace and peace,
Matt
I need prayer for spiritual vigor. It's a long story, but this last semester drained me in every possible way. Systematic theology has disillusioned me. I feel like I don't know God. There are so many 'Gods', each of them very different—some of them polar opposites—and I'm having difficulty figuring out which one is the real one. It doesn't help that one of them very popular since the 15th century (less popular today, contra the published opinion of my friend Collin) I abhor.
All the questions I've had concerning the viability of the Christian faith are coming back at me full speed, and seminary has mostly kindled the flames of ambiguity, despite the fervent evangelicalism of my school.
It's likely that a prime culprit of my disillusionment has been my starvation of the child inside of me who is (was?) foolishly in love with God. I have not learned how to balance academic rigor and spiritual sustenance, let alone all the other duties and privileges of life. I need God's wisdom and strength to best use these next couple of weeks before classes start back up to get my heart back on track. Your prayers, encouragement, and input will be greatly appreciated.
Grace and peace,
Matt
Matt,
ReplyDeleteC.S. Lewis: "Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods."
And here's another TIU student wrestling with the same issues (I expect you know him) http://jeremytreat.blogspot.com/2008/10/does-theology-matter.html
I hear ya. I was looking at this today. And thinking about shaking things up a little bit to get out of a rut. I'm thinking about scheduling one half day a month to be alone in the woods and exploring the messianic side of my faith for a year or so. I don't know what to say for you, although I recently discovered your blog and wouldnt mind having a donut together sometime.
ReplyDeleteDave in Wheeling
Thanks, Jane.
ReplyDeleteThe quote is ironic in light of the typical American evangelical experience in which so many embrace Jesus in a flurry of emotion and then fall away when they realize they had let their emotions get the best of them. That's not my story, but it is the story of someone very close to me. Thanks for linking me to Jeremy's blog. I gave him a shout out there.
Dave,
Getting away for solitude—away from the computer, the cell phone, the books, the responsibilities—and reflection is necessary for spiritual health. I know this, but haven't been able (willing?) to make it happen. Have you "retreated" anywhere nearby indoors? I've thought about visiting Divine Word over on Techny. I'd be more than happy to get together for a donut (or three) and some coffee sometime. Are you a Messianic Jew? I have a classmate at Trinity who is, as well as a church-planting friend who has had some experience with the tradition.
P.S. Your hyperlink didn't work.
ReplyDeletelazy typing... I searched "nine sacred pathways"... Had this a few years ago.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.clas.ufl.edu/users/gthursby/0000/9paths.htm
I'm not a big outdoorsman, but nature gives me a great Jesus Jolt and I've been away too long
My MJ interest comes from a wierd mix of Jewish friends, traditional pro-Israel evangelicalsim, wondering why the emergers go as far back as they do and not farther, and family guilt because a relative leads an MJ congregation within driving distance.
I often go through similar periods of doubt and uncertainty and always come back to this verse, "As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whoom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.""
ReplyDeleteI hope you are encouraged by this.
Dad,
ReplyDeleteThat is definitely an encouraging word, and one that resonates with my experience as well. When I think about it, there is nowhere else to turn. Nihilism is tempting at times, but I don't want to live a life of intellectual escapism and self-centeredness. "The evidence" gives me every reason to believe Christianity is at least as legit as any other religion, and I cannot help but be compelled by the Christian vision of HOPE.
It's kind of ironic, really, how I've realized that to forsake Christ would be to forsake everything good in my life. When my emotions started getting the best of me, the words "count the cost" entered my mind... and so I did. And the price tag: Everything. It's ironic that following Christ costs everything, and abandoning him costs everything. So life is the paradox of choosing which "everything" you want to lose and which one you want to gain. Brings a fair bit more color to Mark 8:34-36.
My guess, Matt, is that your confusion is in becoming settled on your positions concerning various doctrines. As you come in contact with a wide variety of perspectives, most of which are persuasive, it's difficult to be settled on what theories you can be convinced are superior to competitors.
ReplyDeleteBut the theories are not the Person. I expect that you know the Person and have a, well, personal relationship with Him. Not simply an understanding of the doctrines derived from Him, but a familiarity with the Person.
I will guess -- just a guess -- that you do not know exactly why your wife does what she does. You probably do not understand the science of her body nor the psychology of her mind. But you do know her in a way that bonds you to her, despite the lack of academic knowledge.
I'll bet it's similar with you and God.